Dear Dad: Indian Millennial Dad

The fourth edition of Dear Dad where Yash Pawaskar writes a letter to himself

"Dear Dad is a space where fathers reflect on their journey, sharing the wisdom they wish they had before becoming a dad. Each week, a different dad opens up about his experiences, lessons, and insights. This week's letter is from Yash, who starts off reflecting on time which is pretty apt considering the element of time travel in this series. If you could go back and give yourself advice before fatherhood, what would you say? Share your thoughts in the comments."

Introduction by Gareth Wall

Reading Yash’s letter took me back to a time when I was up at two in the morning, gently rocking my newborn beneath the soft glow of a single lamp. In that quiet, half-awake state, I remember feeling both excited and slightly terrified. It struck me then how fatherhood was already reshaping my life in ways I never anticipated—while also stirring memories of the freedom I enjoyed before becoming a dad.

His reflections on journaling stand out as a particularly profound way of making sense of that swirl of emotions, especially when sleep is scarce and each day rolls into the next. Putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) offers a small haven—a place to untangle our thoughts, to step outside ourselves just enough to see the bigger picture in all the chaos.

If I could ask Yash one thing, it would be how he carves out the time to keep writing, given the relentlessness of new parenthood. Even five minutes can feel like a luxury when you’re needed for a nappy change or a bedtime story. But that’s precisely why making those few moments sacred—whether for journaling, reflection, or even a cup of tea in silence—can become a lifesaver.

Fatherhood isn’t something we simply plunge into and figure out all at once; it’s an evolving process. And finding ways to capture that evolution—like journaling—can give us clarity in the midst of the beautiful, exhausting ride. I’m curious, have you ever found yourself surprised by how writing, a hobby or any creative pursuit brought a sense of calm or perspective to your journey as a dad? If you feel like sharing, I’d love to hear it.

It’s a pleasure to introduce you to Yash, The Indian Millenial Dad.

---

Dear Yash,

This is Yash. Your older self. Being a Christopher Nolan fan, I know you will not freak out if you get a letter from your older self. So, I am not going into the explanation of how this Rick-and-Morty-type situation is taking place and just getting to the point. Also, my/your/our baby girl is about to wake up soon, so I need to make this quick. Also, I, the older you, need to hear this from time to time. So, I am writing this letter for you, for me, and for anyone who might find this useful.

Here are five thought-provoking ideas that will help you navigate modern parenting.

1) Time is an illusion

Without delving deep into the theory of relativity or quantum mechanics, I would like to state that there is no time. I mean this figuratively as well as relatively.

In modern parenting, there is hardly any time for yourself. But then, what is time, really? It is a construct. Seconds, numbers, hours, etc., are just concepts we tell ourselves to make sense of the world. For example, a minute can feel like an eternity when your baby is having a meltdown and conversely, you might feel that your baby girl has grown-up in the blink of an eye!

It is said that dwell too much on the past and you might feel depressed, think too much of the future and you might feel anxious; thus, focus on the present and experience the moment. But as I have found out, focusing on the present is not always easy, especially with the pressures of modern life. But it is a skill that can be cultivated.

Having said that, there will be situations where the paradox of parenting will be inevitable and overwhelming.

2) Paradox of parenting

You want to spend time working hard and earning money to ensure a comfortable life for your child. But at the same time you want to spend every waking moment with the child. These are two mutually exclusive activities that lead to the paradox of parenting.

We want me-time as well as we-time but it seems like a case of ‘having the cake and eating it too’. This clash of opposing ideas, thoughts, desires results in cognitive dissonance. And what we do to address this cognitive dissonance will determine our peace of mind. For instance, adopting journaling to address the dissonance arising out of the paradox of parenting is a healthy coping mechanism whereas indulging in sugary treats is an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Currently, writing my substack, ‘Indian Millennial Dad’ is my coping mechanism when it comes to dealing with the cognitive dissonance associated with modern parenting. As a writer, this way I am playing to my strengths.

3) Play to your strengths

Parenting is a partnership. And this partnership needs to be equal. However, equal does not mean that because the mom breastfeeds the child, the dad also has to do it! Equal effort is needed but not necessarily at the same thing. Play to your strengths.

For example, you are a night owl, and your spouse is an early bird; it is natural for you to take the night shift. However, parenting is dynamic and what constitutes equal effort can change over time. Thus, in order to make this attitude effortless, continuous communication is required.

Picture this. You and your spouse are exhausted, the baby is crying, and both of you are feeling overwhelmed. Instead of snapping at each other, try saying, 'I am feeling really stressed right now. Can we talk about how we can tag-team this?’

4) Communication is vital

Physical processes can be measured and described objectively, but subjective experience is, by its very nature, subjective. However, we exist at the intersection of such shared realities and subjective realities. We cannot directly access another person's subjective experience (the taste of chocolate, the degree of pain, etc.) even though we might agree on the objective properties of the stimuli that cause those experiences.

Because everyone experiences things differently, it is really important to talk to each other. Here, communication becomes crucial for attempting to bridge the gap between these subjective realities. When the above is applied to modern parenting, it means: communication between spouses is of utmost importance.

Here's the thing; you and your partner are going to be sleep-deprived, stressed, and maybe even a little bit irrational. You are not always going to be at your best. But even then, it is crucial to communicate your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. And when you have given it your all, it is time to let go!

5) Let go

You are going to spill milk, you are going to forget the diaper cream, and you are going to put the baby's clothes on backwards. It is okay. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes and not beat yourself up about them. There's no such thing as a perfect parent.

One of the most important lessons I learned was to let go. You can't control everything, and you are going to have to accept that. For me, this meant realising that there is no 'you/self' as we know it. We are conscious beings shaped by genetics (nature) and memetics (nurture), and all we can do is to be aware.

Since there is no ‘you’ there is no 'free will'. When there's no free will, there's nothing you can truly control. Remember, this is not about giving up; it is about doing your duty without expecting a specific outcome.

I also learned to watch my thoughts and be aware of the stories I tell myself. The greatest trick my ego (false sense of self) played was convincing me of its existence. Letting go of that ego was a huge step towards finding peace. Ultimately, it is about focusing on the present moment by living one breath at a time. The reward is not the result, but experiencing who you become during the journey.

Parting Thoughts

Parenting is going to be messy, it is going to be exhausting, but it is also going to be filled with moments of pure joy. Embrace the chaos, cherish the little moments, and remember that you are not alone. You and your better half are in this together; and it is going to be wonderful.

Speaking of wonderful, I just heard the baby say, ‘Appa’. Seems like she has woken up! Bye.

---

Meet Yash Pawaskar

🧑 Who they are: Yash Pawaskar is a short-story writer, novelist, and contributing author across publications. He works as a Communications Professional in Mumbai, India. He is a Banking and Insurance graduate with an MBA in Marketing and also holds certifications in physical fitness and mental health. Yash has deep interests in history, psychology, evolutionary biology, sociology, and self-awareness. He is a father to a baby girl and writes light-hearted yet hard-hitting personal essays about modern parenting on his substack, ‘Indian Millennial Dad’.

🌍 Where to find them:

Indian Millenium Dad Substack

💬 What did this letter make you think about? Drop a comment below—Yash will be here to reply!

---

Want to Write Your Own ‘Dear Dad’ Letter?

✍️ We’d love to feature your story in an upcoming ‘Dear Dad’ post. If you’d like to write a letter to your past self before becoming a dad, drop me a DM.

📩 Make sure you don’t miss future letters—subscribe here to ‘Be a Super Dad’ on Substack.

---

Reflections on Fatherhood & Coaching

As Yash mentions, being a dad doesn’t come with an easy step-by-step guide, and let’s be honest, we’ve all had moments when we’re just winging it. You already have what it takes to be the dad you truly want to be—sometimes you just need a bit of support finding your footing. My coaching is all about helping you explore fresh ways to communicate, reconnect with your partner and children, and step up with a clear, confident voice at home.

If you’re longing for deeper bonds with your kids, looking to break old patterns you inherited from your own upbringing, or simply hoping to enjoy family life without feeling so stressed all the time, I’d love to guide you. Together, we’ll craft simple, practical strategies you can use right away—no judgement, no stiff lectures—just honest conversation and proven tools that fit who you are as a father.

Fatherhood is a journey we take one step at a time. So if you’re ready to stop feeling like you’re muddling through and start feeling in control, check out my coaching sessions here. Let’s help you become the dad you’ve always imagined—patient, caring, and wholeheartedly present.

🔹 Want more dad-focused insights? Read

Chris’ ‘Dear Dad’ letter,

Tony’s Letter here

Dr Suzanne’s Letter here or explore my latest blog posts.