Dear Dad: Tony Stevens

The second edition of Dear Dad where Tony Stevens writes a letter to himself prior to becoming a father.

Welcome to Dear Dad

"Dear Dad is a space where fathers reflect on their journey, sharing the wisdom they wish they had before becoming a dad. Each week, a different dad opens up about his experiences, lessons, and insights. This week's letter is from [Writer’s Name], who [add a brief hint about what makes this dad’s letter stand out—e.g. overcame a major challenge, has a unique background, or a surprising piece of advice]. If you could go back and give yourself advice before fatherhood, what would you say? Share your thoughts in the comments."

Why I Created Dear Dad

“My idea to create Dear Dad as a side project within my regular Be a Super Dad posts came from my desire to amplify more dad voices. In the face-to-face sessions I run, I’ve witnessed first-hand the power of dads being vulnerable. Despite the old adage that men ‘don’t talk,’ many dads and dads-to-be have opened up about their worries and anxieties around fatherhood. I’m honoured to be part of a group of dads who aspire to be the best they can be by sharing their journeys, day-to-day struggles, and victories. This series is an online space to mirror that sense of community—normalising our imperfections, offering guidance from hindsight, and reminding each other that being vulnerable is a strength. I hope it inspires more fathers to speak up and feel less alone.”

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Introduction by Gareth Wall

“When I read Tony’s letter, his first point—“Love their mother. No matter what happens.”—really hit home. Knowing some of his story, especially how he lost his brother, left his dream job, and went through a divorce while raising children, gives those words extra weight. It also reminds me of how crucial it is to offer kids a healthy, respectful environment, even when relationships change. I’ve seen firsthand in my own circle how children can emerge stronger when they’re spared the toxic crossfire of adult conflict. Hearing Tony talk so openly about safeguarding that vital bond is a powerful reminder that fatherhood isn’t just about caring for our kids; it’s also about modelling what a respectful relationship looks like. Through all the hardships he’s faced, Tony’s choice to focus on love, kindness, and mutual respect is something I hope will spark ideas, reassurance, and reflection for everyone reading.”

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Dear Dad,

Subject: Congrats, You’re a Dad! (No Refunds)

Dear Me,

This is your future self here. I’ve learned a thing or two since becoming a father, and I thought I’d send an email back in time to inspire you. Hopefully, it arrives just before your (spoiler alert) daughter is born.

What follows is a collection of insights I wish I could’ve injected into my brain like a Matrix download. Let’s be honest, you’re going to learn these the hard way. Which is really the only way. But I hope they offer enough of a gut punch to slightly shift the trajectory of your approach – enough to avoid the microwave-pizza phase at least.

Here goes:

1. Love their mother. No matter what happens. No matter where you are. Show them kindness, affection, and respect in the way you engage with the other human who means the world to them. It’s the best thing you can do for your kids. You have to love who they love.

2. Read to your kids. Encourage them to read. Let them see you reading. For your own growth. For your enjoyment. Turn your home into a library. Create a book fund. Surround your lives with stories. Cultivate a love of words.

3. Let your kids teach you. They will learn more from articulating their own wisdom, their own passions, than any nugget of insight you have to share.

4. Take an interest in their interests. Nerd out with them. Learn the backstories. Minecraft. Taylor Swift. Marvel Comics. Competitive hamster racing. Whatever it is, show them you’re invested in what they love. Give them permission to love it harder.

5. Show them. Don’t tell them. Do you want them to eat healthy? Take care of their body? Embrace physical exercise? Develop emotional resilience? Do it yourself. Demonstrate it. Model these identities. This is how you nurture values.

6. Create rituals. Events that unite your family. Bring you together. Something for them to get excited about. Movie night on Fridays. Pancakes on Sundays. After-dinner walks. Connect with them. Build these inviolable moments that your kids will share when they deliver your eulogy.

7. Always say you’re sorry. Take accountability when you hurt them. No matter how volatile their behavior was. Let them know it’s not all on them. That you could have helped defuse the conflict by guarding your own emotions. This is how you teach them to take responsibility.

8. Serve them. They are your most important client. Treat them with the same deference and commitment you would a major stakeholder at work. Invest your attention in them. Your presence. Your tolerance.

9. But be selfish too. Prioritize yourself. Put your health needs first. Take the holiday. Build the mancave. Being selfish is a gift to your kids. They don’t need a drained, resentful, half-present version of you. They need someone who has the energy, patience, and emotional bandwidth to show up for them.

10. Lastly, don’t toot at the driver who cuts you off in traffic. Just “let them.” Relax. Don’t curse under or over your breath. Be a monk behind the wheel and teach your kids it’s no big deal.

Fatherhood will stretch you, humble you, and rebuild you. It will demand more of you than you think you have, and it will give you more than you ever knew you needed.

You’ve got this.

Sincerely,
Future You

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Meet Tony Stevens

🧑 Who he is:
Tony Stevens helps single dads rebuild confidence after divorce so they can show up stronger for their kids. Through his coaching, he helps men regain their sense of self, rebuild healthy habits, and create a life they’re proud of. When he’s not coaching, you’ll find him training handstands, writing about fatherhood, or chasing beautiful landscapes. Learn more about his coaching HERE.

🌍 Where to find him:
Medium

Substack
LinkedIn

💬 What stood out to you in this letter?
Drop a comment below—Christopher will be here to reply!

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Want to Write Your Own ‘Dear Dad’ Letter?

✍️ We’d love to feature your story in an upcoming ‘Dear Dad’ post. If you’d like to write a letter to your past self before becoming a dad, drop me a DM.

📩 Make sure you don’t miss future letters for ‘Be a Super Dad’ on Substack.

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Reflections on Fatherhood & Coaching

“Fatherhood is a journey we’re all learning from. Through my coaching, I help dads build stronger relationships, improve communication, and find confidence in their role. If that’s something you’d like support with, check out my coaching sessions here. Let’s help you become the dad you want to be.”

🔹 Want more dad-focused insights? Explore my latest blog posts.

🔹Read the first Dear Dad letter from Christopher Lind here.