“Yes, Your Kids Are Your World—But You Need Permission to Be Selfish”: A Self-Care Guide for Dads

Mar 26, 2025

We’ve all heard the in-flight announcement: “Place your own oxygen mask on first before helping others.” It can feel like an odd instruction when you’re used to putting your family’s needs above your own. But if you’re running on empty—exhausted, anxious, and overwhelmed—you won’t be able to give your best to the people counting on you most.

A Dad at Breaking Point

Not long ago, I spoke with a brand-new father who perfectly illustrated this dilemma. While immersed in the excitement and sleepless nights of caring for his newborn, he also felt pressure to excel at work, be a flawless husband, and handle every little detail at home. Over time, the mental and physical overload had him burning out. He found himself snapping at his partner, missing work deadlines, and harbouring guilt around every corner. That’s when he realised: he’d poured himself out until nothing was left.

Whether you’re a dad of one or a dad of many, the lesson remains: granting yourself permission to be “selfish” about your own well-being is an act of service to your family. Think of it as regularly topping up your tank so you aren’t stuck on the side of the parenting motorway with an empty tank and no rescue in sight.

Why Self-Care Matters: The Oxygen Mask and Filling Your Cup

Imagine a car trying to run without fuel. It might sputter along for a while, but it’ll eventually break down. That’s your mind and body if you neglect basic self-care. Taking time to look after yourself isn’t merely about avoiding burnout; it’s about cultivating the patience, presence, and energy you need to be the dad you truly aspire to be.

“Putting your own oxygen mask on first” ensures you can support your children with theirs.

Regular Check-Ins: Evaluating Your Wellbeing

Children’s routines shift, job demands ramp up or slow down, and personal circumstances evolve. If you don’t regularly pause and assess, you may not realise you’re veering off track until you’re utterly spent. Ask:

Am I daydreaming about peace and quiet every moment of the day?
Is my stress creeping higher than usual?
Have I dropped any good habits—like going for walks or journaling—that used to keep me balanced?

A short weekly or monthly self-audit, whether through journaling, meditation, or a trusted friend’s perspective, keeps you tuned in to your mental and emotional state.

Physical Self-Care: Movement, Sleep, and Everyday Energy

Dads sometimes assume physical fitness has to wait until life is “less busy,” but those quieter days can be a long time coming. In the meantime:

Mini-Workouts: Squats, press-ups, or calf raises during mundane moments—like waiting for the kettle to boil—add up.
Playful Exercise: Incorporate movement into family time. A game of chase in the garden or an energetic dance session in the lounge can be both bonding and revitalising.
Sleep Hygiene: If you’ve got a nocturnal newborn, grab naps whenever you can. A fractured sleep pattern is tough, so share night duties with a partner if possible.
Nutritious Snacking: Keep healthier options (fruit, nuts, yoghurt) easily accessible to ward off the temptation of junk food when you’re knackered.

Emotional Self-Care: Building Emotional Literacy and Calm

Dads can grow up absorbing the message: “Keep emotions in check; don’t be soft.” Yet learning to express and manage your feelings benefits everyone around you—especially your children, who mirror what they see.

Feelings Wheel: If you’re not sure how to describe what you’re feeling, the Feelings Wheel can help name it—be it “anxious,” “frustrated,” “overwhelmed,” or something more nuanced.
Journaling: A few sentences at night can release pent-up worries. It’s like clearing the mental cache before tomorrow loads up.
Mindful Breathing: Inhaling for four counts, holding for four, exhaling for four, and holding again for four is a quick reset when tempers rise—yours or your child’s.
Open Conversations: Whether it’s a sympathetic friend, a parenting group, or a counsellor, talking it out often lifts the weight off your shoulders.

Psychological Self-Care: Tackling Stress and Mental Overload

Parenthood can feel like juggling flaming torches—work deadlines, family schedules, medical appointments, and the million little things daily life requires.

Set Boundaries at Work: If you’re perpetually on the clock, consider limiting after-hours emails. Communicate those boundaries respectfully but firmly.
Micro-Breaks: Get up from your desk once an hour to stretch, get fresh air, or walk around the block. Brief but regular pauses keep stress from boiling over.
Mindfulness or Meditation: Five or ten minutes of guided practice can help you notice when your thoughts are spiralling, so you can bring them back to calm.
Professional Support: Coaching, therapy, or counselling can provide coping strategies, perspective, and a steady anchor.

Spiritual Self-Care: Finding Meaning and Grounding

Whether you attend a religious service, commune with nature, or just cultivate a sense of awe in daily life, spiritual health can centre you:

Quiet Reflection: Time spent in silence—whether praying, meditating, or simply gazing at the sky—can soothe your soul.
Nature Therapy: A peaceful walk in the park or a quick sit-down by a river can refresh your mind, reminding you there’s more to life than the next deadline.
Community or Service: Helping others through volunteering, or simply engaging with a supportive group, can sharpen your sense of purpose.

Social Self-Care: Friends, Family, and Wider Support

No matter how strong you are, you don’t have to be an island. Other people can be a part of your self-care plan:

Shared Childcare: If family or close friends can help with the kids occasionally, accept it without guilt. It frees you up for rest or that overdue dentist appointment.
Dad Gatherings: A casual night at the pub or a laid-back barbecue with other dads can offer honest conversations about fatherhood’s realities.
Online Communities: Connecting virtually with like-minded dads, especially if it’s tough to meet face-to-face, can relieve isolation.
Partner Support: Talk openly with your partner about dividing responsibilities and mutual emotional needs. This team mentality fosters a stronger partnership.

Workplace Self-Care: Balancing Career and Fatherhood

The desire to provide is strong in most dads, yet your bank balance alone doesn’t measure fatherhood success. Achieving some semblance of harmony is crucial.

Flexible Hours: Many employers now recognise the value of flexible scheduling. Have a conversation to see what’s possible.
Healthy Workspace: Even small environmental tweaks—like proper lighting or an ergonomic chair—prevent strain and keep you more comfortable.
Focus on the Important Tasks: Identify your top priorities each day to avoid getting buried under lesser to-dos.
Knowing Your Limits: If you’re piling on extra tasks constantly, ask whether it’s actually benefiting your family—or leading to burnout.

Addressing the Bigger Issues: When Self-Care Isn’t Enough

No amount of chocolate or bubble baths will solve fundamental life crises. If your stress stems from major problems—like significant debt, deep relationship conflicts, job insecurity, or other pressing concerns—taking a hot bath may feel like “pissing in the wind.” It might offer temporary relief, but it won’t fix the underlying cause. Here are some areas where you might need a deeper dive:

Financial Struggles:
If bills are piling up, talk to a financial advisor, explore budgeting apps, or seek debt management services. Facing it head-on can reduce that constant knot of anxiety in your stomach.
Persistent Conflict:
Arguments at home or ongoing tension with extended family can weigh heavily. Marriage counselling, family mediation, or conflict resolution coaching can be lifesavers.
Job Insecurity:
Feeling like your job could be pulled out from under you is nerve-racking. Refresh your CV, network, and consider talking to a career coach.
Mental Health Issues:
Anxiety, depression, or trauma might need more than a quick self-care fix. Professional help—through therapy or medical support—can be the key to lasting change.

Don’t shy away from these bigger hurdles. Seeking substantial support for them is the bravest step towards genuine peace of mind. Once those pillars are stabilised, day-to-day self-care strategies become far more effective.

Give Yourself Permission to Be “Selfish”

“Selfish” has negative connotations, but taking care of yourself is one of the best ways to be a better dad, partner, and friend. You model healthy coping for your children, showing them it’s okay to rest, ask for help, and manage stress constructively. That’s actually what being a good dad is all about.

How many times have you told the people in your circle that you care deeply about them looking after themselves? What if you took your advice to increase your capacity to care about the people you love?

A Note on My Coaching

Struggling with how to juggle all these responsibilities? You’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it out on your own. My dad-focused coaching services can guide you in navigating stress, creating realistic self-care routines, and tackling deeper life challenges—like relationship issues or time management. Think of it as a safe space to reshape your mindset and your daily habits so you can be the dad you aspire to be.

Get in touch for a free dad to dad call.

What Are Your Self-Care Ideas? (Call to Action)

You’re the expert on your own life. If you have unique or creative self-care strategies—anything from taking up a new hobby to doing star jumps with the kids—we want to hear them. Share them below to inspire other dads who might be reading:

How do you decompress after a stressful day?
What’s the quirky trick that always lifts your mood?
Any hard-earned lessons about the “big issues” that you’d like to pass on?

Drop a comment below with your experiences or questions. And if you know a dad who’s knee-deep in stress and could benefit from this, please share the post with him.

Closing Thoughts

Self-care isn’t just about lighting candles; it’s about giving yourself space—mentally and physically—to keep going in the long run. If debt, work worries, or big conflicts loom, don’t be afraid to seek specialised help. Once the major issues are under control, simpler self-care rituals like a peaceful cup of tea or a brisk walk can truly shine.

Reflect and Rebalance

Which part of your life needs the most urgent attention right now: finances, relationships, mental health, or something else?
Could you carve out a small, daily window—ten minutes or so—to centre yourself or do something that recharges you?
How might your children benefit if you’re showing up more relaxed, more present, and more prepared to handle life’s curveballs?

Even just thinking about these questions is a step in the right direction. Keep going, dad—you’ve got this. And remember, if you ever need extra guidance, I’m here with coaching support to walk alongside you in creating the balanced, joyful family life you and your loved ones deserve.