Hey, I'm a dad of four boys - I connect a lot with what you've written. Particularly, this quote on connecting without expectations really resonates, "...your love isn’t contingent on them meeting certain standards." Personally and professionally, I'm a psychologist who works a lot with dads, this is something I focus on. I think it is easy to get stuck in a cycle where we develop quid pro quo expectations with our kids. And I get it, life is busy and as parents we have so many commitments. With that said, I agree that finding the time to connect and be present with your kiddo without any expectations is really important. I think there's a ton of barriers to this, too, as a result of our busy and often overwhelming lives!
Hi Alex, Thanks for reading and thanks for the response.
It can be a tough one to straighten out when parents create a situation where kids feel like they have to earn love. Unconditional love is just so important.
I wonder how you go about discussing the 'quid pro quo situations'
For sure - I think parents have it tough; probably always has been. I know we're burning the candle on both ends. I caution my clients about not using 1:1 time with their kids as a form of bartering due to the lack of time or to make things more efficient. Essentially, avoiding the "I did this for you now I need you to do this". It is difficult because everywhere else in life, we work to create efficiencies. I've found the reality is raising children is not efficient, and that's OK. It takes a lot of energy, energy that the kids deserve. I'll speak to fathers, sometimes that message gets lost.
Hey, I'm a dad of four boys - I connect a lot with what you've written. Particularly, this quote on connecting without expectations really resonates, "...your love isn’t contingent on them meeting certain standards." Personally and professionally, I'm a psychologist who works a lot with dads, this is something I focus on. I think it is easy to get stuck in a cycle where we develop quid pro quo expectations with our kids. And I get it, life is busy and as parents we have so many commitments. With that said, I agree that finding the time to connect and be present with your kiddo without any expectations is really important. I think there's a ton of barriers to this, too, as a result of our busy and often overwhelming lives!
Hi Alex, Thanks for reading and thanks for the response.
It can be a tough one to straighten out when parents create a situation where kids feel like they have to earn love. Unconditional love is just so important.
I wonder how you go about discussing the 'quid pro quo situations'
For sure - I think parents have it tough; probably always has been. I know we're burning the candle on both ends. I caution my clients about not using 1:1 time with their kids as a form of bartering due to the lack of time or to make things more efficient. Essentially, avoiding the "I did this for you now I need you to do this". It is difficult because everywhere else in life, we work to create efficiencies. I've found the reality is raising children is not efficient, and that's OK. It takes a lot of energy, energy that the kids deserve. I'll speak to fathers, sometimes that message gets lost.